A Cruise Update

There have a been a few happenings of note in the world of Cruise, so I thought I'd do an update post:

No More Santa
I blame Claire. Apparently Claire told Cruise there was no Santa at recess last week. And, of course, he went to class and broke the news to all his classmates. Thanks a lot, Claire. Cruise came home and that evening started going off on how there is no Santa in ear-shot of Jett. So naturally we denied everything. That evening, he had a guitar lesson, so I drove him myself and after his lesson, I pulled over and gave him the low-down. We talked about how Mom & Dad aren't Santa, that Santa was a real person and that we all get to be like Santa by giving gifts and spreading the spirit of Christmas. He was psyched that he gets to be in on a secret now. He took it really well and agreed that he wouldn't tell anyone else for there on out. Whew!

Lego Robot Camp
I had signed Cruise up for a Lego robotics Super Saturday camp at Thanksgiving Point and he finally got to go last week! He was really excited to go and couldn't wait to learn how to make these robots! The camp went from 9-3 and included building the Lego robots and learning how to program them. At about 1:45 I got a text from one of the teachers saying that Cruise wanted to go home. I had him call me and this is what he said to me: "Mom, I'm all done. I learned how to build the robots, I learned how to program, so now I know everything and I want to come home." I couldn't talk him into staying any longer, so I loaded up the kids and drove to pick him up. He really enjoyed himself, but was done. 9-3 is a long time any way.

Lab Assistant
Saturday morning I walked past a sign pinned to the wall that Cruise put up earlier, so of course I had to get a picture:

"Help wanted I need a lab assistant. Free job."

Jett ended up getting the job and was "helping" Cruise for a while in the lab, but wouldn't follow directions. Ultimately, Jett quit mostly because he figured out that "free job" meant no pay. So the position is still open if you know anyone.

A Conversation
I had an interesting and enlightening conversation with Cruise today. At bedtime, he erupted into tears and started rambling and making no sense. So I sent him to my room to wait for me while I put the other two boys to bed. I joined him on my bed and he unloaded.

One of the struggles of having a child with autism is watching the struggle within themselves knowing they have autism, seeing it as a strength and yet also struggling with the opposite emotion of seeing it as a weakness.

Being in a class of all students with autism, he knows that everyone is like him, yet totally different. Feeling like he doesn't fit in there and yet knowing he does all at the same time. He attends the mainstream class for a few subjects and that has made him realize that those same feelings exist there as well. He's in a class of his own, which has the possibility of being incredibly lonely.

Such conflicting feelings are so draining and overwhelming for an 8 year old boy. And I realized, as he spoke through such sincere tears, that all he wanted was to be understood. He wasn't looking for a solution or even for me to wave a magic wand, He just needed what we all crave: to be listened to, validated, and understood.

A day doesn't go by that I don't look at Cruise and am in awe of how far he has come, the struggles he's overcome, and the expectations he's exceeded. I've always tried my best to be his advocate and the mom he needs, I just don't think it ever occurred to me that all this time, I wasn't just pushing for speech therapy, occupational therapy, behavioral therapy, and autism services, but I was also advocating for his need, his desire, and his right to be understood.

There was a time I thought I would never be able to have a conversation like this with Cruise. In fact, I was prepared to not expect it. And so, as I hung onto every word, every facial expression, every gesture, I couldn't help but feel such gratitude to not just hear words, to not just understand, but to really get him. To feel what he was feeling and to know where those tears came from. I am so grateful and honored to be the one to be sad with him, to wipe away his tears and to see him look at me with those big brown eyes, acknowledging that he finally feels understood.