Today You Are Ten

Dear Miles,

It's a bittersweet day knowing you are no longer in the single digits; you're no longer a little boy anymore. You have now reached big boy status. I didn't expect the day to be so emotional for me and I guess I'm just a little sad that with each day, that is the last of that age that I'll ever have as a parent since you are my baby. But at the same time, you are getting older and wiser and more independent. You develop skills and passions and goals for yourself, and that's pretty cool.

This past year had a lot of ups and downs for you. A lot of new feelings of anxiety and panic were experienced but you have grown stronger and have gained a lot of new skills to help manage all of that. You've also had a lot of wins this year with developing your piano talents, moving up a grade in math, improving your baseball skills, getting SO much better at snowboarding and wakeboarding, and finding good friends. 

I have loved going on Mommy Son dates with you. I love that you want to help me with any and all projects, that you love to learn how to cook from me, and that you always want snuggles and loves and my undivided attention. I'm not always perfect at that last one, but it's not because you're not important to me. You and your brothers are the MOST important and I love being your mom. 

I love your laugh and goofiness. I love that you like me to read to you and that you like me to make a pizza on your back before bed. I love that you love your brothers and want to spend time with them. I love that you are kind and accepting of others. I love that you tell me your worries, the things that make you happy or excited, and everything in between. I love that you love your dad and want to work with him on his projects. But I especially love the small things that you do. Like on Sundays when dad parks on the side of the church that only has grass and rocks and I'm in my heels, you hold my hand and let me lean on you so I don't fall. Or when you give me a random compliment. Or when you notice I'm having a hard day and give me a hug, a snuggle, or play with my hair. You're a kind, intuitive, compassionate, and loving boy and I know that is just who you are to your core.  

This year, I hope you continue to find joy and fulfillment in everything you do. I am so proud of you and the choices you make and the person you are. Being your mom brings me so much joy and I know I always tell you to not grow up, but truly, you're the only one not taller than me in this family now, so please just take your time growing up. I still can carry you to your bed and it's not lost on me that one day, it'll be the last day I'll ever pick you up.

I love you so much Miles! You are wonderfully amazing and I am the luckiest mom to have you as my baby boy. Happy 10th Birthday kiddo!

Love,

Mom

Today You Are Sixteen

 Dear Cruise,

Sixteen years ago today, I became a mother. A mother to a beautiful baby boy. I was young, probably too young, and I definitely didn't know what I was doing. But we figured it out together, didn't we? But man, I can't believe it's been sixteen years. I can't believe you're sixteen years. I feel like each and every day I'm reminded that I might have you for only a couple more years, and then you'll be off, making adult decisions, living an adult life. I'm not ready for that. And to be honest, I don't feel like I'm even old enough to be making adult decisions and living an adult life. So when I think about you doing all that, it's scary and overwhelming, and some of the days I wish I could time travel to where you were still little and things weren't as complicated. But I guess, in a way, it's a blessing to feel that way because each and every day I'm overwhelmingly grateful to have you here. With me. Safe. 

Yesterday at church, as it was fast and testimony meeting, you unexpectedly stood up and walked up to the pulpit where you delivered the most beautiful testimony. I wish I could've recorded it. It was sincere, heartfelt, full of love and confidence, and most importantly, it was full of The Spirit. As I sat there, taking in every word, I teared up and found myself in awe of the young man you've become and the testimony you've grown. I think it was the first time I had heard your testimony and really knew it was yours and not part of mine. That you had really worked for it. And that you knew it to be true.

 Today as I was driving home from work, I thought about your life so far and how you've always exceeded expectations and how you've proved people wrong along the way. I love that you refuse to be put in a box and how you confidently reach for the furthest star, only to catch it and find another, further star to reach for. You're magnificent. 

Just in a week you'll be starting your Junior year. You're planning for taking the ACT, looking into colleges and scholarships, and already talking about serving a mission. You're still working at the Megaplex theaters and I'm so impressed that you've continued to work there and make your own money. You're not interested in driving yet, which, let's be honest, is kind of a relief. You love to write and create, and want to go into the film industry as a writer, director, and actor. You love playing D&D with Jett and your cousins. You're a deep thinker and always want to discuss ideas and thoughts. You're fun to be around and you make me laugh daily. I love that you're my son.

Cruise, I love you, kiddo. I am so proud of you and I wish I could say it was because of me, but it's all you, buddy. Thank you for being patient and understanding when I haven't been the best mom. Thank you for making me a better person. And thank you for loving me, even on my most unlovable days. 

Happy Birthday, Cruise. I love you so much.

Love,

Ma

Today You Are Thirteen

Dear Jett,

Happy 13th Birthday! You're officially a teenager! I was reviewing the past 13 years in my head and thought about how quickly you've grown and how it really does feel like yesterday that you were a fluffy-haired towhead, who loved to love and laugh. And I guess things really don't change all that much except maybe the hair and the fact that you now are taller than me. Man, you really grew this past year. 

This year you really put a lot into learning more about cooking and practicing it every chance you got. I'm not gonna lie, I really like the benefits. I think something I'll always cherish, however, is just cooking with you. Making a meal or a dessert together is one of my favorite things we do. I never really got to do that with my mom; cooking wasn't supposed to be a fun thing in my house growing up, but I am really happy it is in our house. I love trying a new recipe together and taking pride in our final product.

Something I have always loved about you is how gosh darn funny you are. I love your infectious smile and laugh. I love your wit and sense of humor. I love that you can make me smile and laugh no matter what mood I'm in. I love that your humor uplifts and brings joy, and with that I see your empathy and love for others. Your level of humility and kindness is something many adults don't quite grasp. It's such a gift to all those around you. You are a good brother and such a good son. You put others before yourself and are sensitive to other people's needs.

I love that you're adventurous and always up for trying new things. I love how persistent and driven you can be whether it's schoolwork, trying to jump the wake, or learning a new computer program. You are so smart and so capable. I rarely have to get on you about homework, and every time I check your grades, you always have A's.   

Jett, you're such a good kid and a good person and I've known that since the day you were born. I remember holding you in my arms, staring into your chubby little newborn face, and recognizing your spirit, like I've known you forever. I love being your Mom. I love that you still want me to tuck you in at night. I love that you still want hugs and kisses and that you still tell me you love me no matter what setting we're in. 

I want all the things for you, Jett. I want you to always feel joy and love. I want you to go out into the world one day and spread your goodness and discover everything you want for yourself. I love that you have a testimony of the gospel and that you have a relationship with your Heavenly Father. I hope you continue to cultivate that and always look to Him for guidance and support. I hope you always know how much I love you. I will always be here for you and I will always love you no matter what. Life is hard sometimes and you will struggle with things that will make you want to turn inward, but I want you to know that even if you don't want to talk about it, I am always here to sit with you and hug you. I will always be your Mama and you will always be my sweet Jett.

Happy Birthday, teenage Jett.

I love you, 

Mom

Today You Are Nine

Dear Miles,

Another year has come and gone and it's amazing just how much you've grown in that time. You're taller, smarter, kinder, and stronger. You've had experiences that have stretched you and helped you realize just how capable and brave you really are. You've had ups and downs, but have found joy and confidence through it all. 

You love the water. I thought of all the fun things you've done this year, a lot of them are in the water. You played in the ocean, went fishing, went down HUGE scary waterslides at Splash Summit, swam in the pool in the backyard, went crawdad fishing, and did a lot of wakeboarding! Speaking of wakeboarding, you learned how to wakeboard this year! And you are so good at it. I've loved watching you figure it out and improve with every run. I've loved seeing your confidence grow and your great big smile even after face-planting. 

Something else you've really impressed me with is baseball. Having played baseball my entire childhood, it's been fun watching you enjoy it as well. Except you are actually good at it. Ha ha! You're a fantastic batter and can just about hit anything. I think the best position you play is catcher, which is really amazing since you sit and let balls hit you over and over again. But you're focused and collected and confident, and that's just really cool. 

Other things you've enjoyed are snakes, catching snakes, reading about snakes, exercising, writing out exercise plans for your friends and I, going on Mommy Son Dates, playing video games, and building with Legos.

Miles, I love how much love you have to give and how you give it freely. I love that you're kind and helpful. I love that you think of others and want so much to make people smile and feel happy. I like that you're funny and goofy and that we can joke around with each other.

Something fun that happened this year was that you and your brothers made cars for the pinewood derby. You were supposed to race yours with the Primary kids, but a couple days before, you had to come to the Young Men derby since I had to be there with the Young Women and Dad wanted to watch your brothers race. So you brought along your car and when they asked if you'd like to participate, you happily joined in and smoked them all! You got first place! It was hilarious. 

Miles, I love how brave you are. I love that you're up for new and exciting adventures. I love your positivity and your ability to find the good in things. I hope by now you've realized just how good a kid you are and how much you are loved. You are so smart. You are doing 4th grade math at 3rd grade. You are a great reader and you love to learn. You're a good friend. You've made some wonderful friendships this year because you know how to be a good friend. I love your hugs and snuggles and your desire to be near me. I love watching you grow up, but I think you're doing it too quickly.  

I hope this year is wonderful and fulfilling and that you continue to learn and grow and be happy. I hope you continue to choose the right and to listen to the Spirit. I love that you've developed a love and understanding of the Book of Mormon as you've read it on your own. Your Heavenly Father loves you so much and your dad and I love you so much too. 

Thank you for being such a great example to me and for loving me, even when I'm not being very lovable. Thank you for being my baby and for letting me be your mommy. I've loved every minute of it. Truly. Being your mom is the best thing ever. 

Happy Birthday Sweet Miles!

I love you so much,

Mama