Today You Are Eleven

Dear Miles,

It feels like eleven is kind of that border between childhood and teen years, and although it's been creeping up on us, I still think you're my little three year old toddler dancing and playing and making faces for the camera. The realization that coming up in just a few short months, you'll be receiving the Priesthood, passing sacrament, and attending the temple, it's kind of thrown me a little. Being my youngest, everything with you is the last for me. This is the last 11th birthday we'll be celebrating in our home. It's the last 5th grade class I'll attend parent teacher conferences for. You're the last kid to be shorter than me. So you growing up is especially bittersweet for me. But I guess the positive in all that is that I am really trying to soak it all in: the feelings and the experiences of this age. 

Miles, you are a Mama's boy, and I hope that will always be the case. You are so quick to give me hugs and kisses. You still want me to tuck you in at night, and you miss me terribly when I'm away. You want snuggles and stories and me just to listen to you. And despite me sometimes not really knowing what on earth you're talking about, the fact that you are talking to me about something so incredibly exciting for you, is heaven. 

You are so incredibly smart, Miles. Sometimes too smart. So smart that I regularly feel like I'm not doing a good-enough job finding a great schooling situation for you. You test above your peers and it can be frustrating for you to feel like school is too easy or boring. But, I am so enamored at the fact that you so willingly help your classmates with their math, to the point that you organized your own math tutoring group. You love to help other people achieve and succeed.

You're a good friend and brother. You have friends that love spending time and playing with you. I get texts from parents saying you're such a good kid and that they hope you rub off on their kiddos. You love playing with your brothers when they give you their time, and they love spending that time with you. You are funny and creative and a good problem solver. You love to help dad with any of his projects and you want so much to be like him when you grow up. I hope you are.  

You love going on adventures, camping, wakeboarding, swimming, playing baseball, snowmobiling and snowboarding, and trying new things. You face your fears even when it's terrifying. You feel deeply and empathetically. You love giving and making a difference. You love to feel needed and to have a purpose. You love animals and want to be a veterinarian or zoologist when you grow up. You are so many things, but most importantly, you are a child of God. And you're my amazing son, Miles.  

I hope this coming year, you will continue to grow in emotional strength and kindness. I hope you will be able to mature in a way that brings others to Christ and be an example of goodness. I am so incredibly grateful to have you as my son and I am so lucky to be your mom. You are beautiful inside and out. I hope you always know how much Dad and I love you, and how much your parents in Heaven love you. You are unique and special and I am proud of the young man you are becoming. 

Happy Birthday, my great, big, baby boy!

All My Love,

Mom

Today You Are Seventeen

Lately I've been flipping through pictures in my mind of the past 17 years. Your first crawl, first steps. Your favorite shows: Curious George & Veggie Tales. Your first day of Preschool. Your general excitement for life. Your dreams of becoming great things like an astronaut, scientist, artist, film producer. You've always been determined and motivated by dreams. I've watched you change passions and plans. I've seen the emotional toll of autism and neurodivergence that affects you so deeply. But I also see someone who is strong and pushes through; overcoming obstacles in his own way, at his own pace. I see wonder and endless options and possibilities. 

You've spent the past year growing, working out your emotions and plans. Figuring out who you are and who you want to be. I've seen you wrestle with the Spirit as you come to know your Savior and His love for you. Your testimony has grown and when you share it, my mother heart bursts and I am in awe of you and the person you are and who you're becoming.

You're seventeen now. It's your last year that you are legally a child. But son, you will always be my child, whether 4, 17, 45, or 60. You'll always be my baby. You'll always be my big, brown-eyed boy with the biggest smile and the most gentle love. 

This being your senior year in high school has me a little apprehensive. I'm half mourning and half proud and excited. I always hated when people would look at the crazy little boys crawling all over me and well-meaningly said, "It goes so fast." But kiddo, it really has gone so fast. The days were long, some longer than others, but the years really did pass in a blink of an eye. 

As a mom, I have tried so hard to enjoy all the moments, and appreciate the now; to love you as you are in that stage of your life. Obviously I haven't been perfect at it, but I hope as you get older you realize just how much you are loved and wanted and needed. You are loved because you're you. Not because you're handsome, funny, smart, interesting, kind, spiritual, talented, and fun to be around. Those all are things that describe you. But Cruise, you are loved simply because you are you. You are mine. All of those descriptions could fall away and I would love you just the same. You are the greatest thing I've ever done. 

I gave birth to you when I was super young and needed a lot more experience. You came along and we became a little team. I helped you grow, just as you helped me. In a very real sense, we raised each other. We didn't do too bad if I do say so myself. But now that you are on your way to finishing high school, I don't quite know what to do. I don't really know how to be a mom to an adult, so that's going to have to be another thing we do together. We gotta be on each other's team and lift each other up.

I love watching you grow and work through things that are hard or unpleasant. I love learning about you every day. I love our Mom & Son dates where you to tell me about your ideas and thoughts and current projects while we eat ice cream or do some other activity. I love that you greet me with a hug and say goodbye with an excited wave and huge smile across your face. 

This next year is going to be a year of big decisions, but just know that no matter what you choose, I will always be here to cheer you on and support you. There is nothing you can't do. I am so proud of you Cruise. You're amazing and I love you so much!

Happy Birthday, Cruise!

Love,

Mom 

Today You Are Fourteen

 Dear Jett,

I feel like we just celebrated your 13th birthday a few weeks ago, but apparently it's been a whole year! Before you know it, you'll be driving and dating and graduating and...leaving me. But I'm getting ahead of myself...14! Wow! 

Jett, there really is nobody quite like you. You are wise beyond your years and have such a good head on your shoulders. You're kind, considerate, empathetic, and forgiving. You're so smart and talented. You're funny and handsome. You're all the good things.

Something I love that you do is when I am leaving to run an errand or pick up your little brother from school, you ask if you can come with me. I love spending that time with you, even if we're just looking at a funny meme or listening to the radio. I know these days will eventually be gone and you'll be off, living your own life, but until then, I am going to enjoy every second I have with you. 

You started playing tuba this year and you've gotten so good! I'm so impressed at the progress you've made and that you were able to get into Wind Symphony, that's quite an accomplishment! And I love that you love it. I'm so proud of you for sticking with it and practicing as much as you can. It's a lot of fun for me to hear you perform and even just practice at home. 

You've also gotten so good at wakeboarding. It's crazy how quickly you learned to jump the wake and kept trying over and over again. I know Dad loves that you enjoy going out on the boat with him and asking him for tips on how to improve. 

You also have so much talent when it comes to problem solving, especially when it comes to computers. You are brave enough to take computers apart and fix them. I'm scared just pushing a few buttons, but removing tiny screws and pulling stuff out of a computer would terrify me. It's amazing.

I've loved going on a few Mom & Son dates this year. I feel bad we didn't get to do a lot more of them, but I love that we both love good food. It's a lot of fun to go on lunch dates with someone who can talk about how to cook a burger perfectly or what kind of sauces are best on nachos. Or what makes a Dirty Dough cookie the best. You continually impress me with your food and cooking knowledge. It was really kind and selfless of you to cook an entire Valentine's meal for the family and then later for Cruise and his prom date. You made the most amazing steaks, scallops, and mashed potatoes. I'll never be able to recreate what you do.

Jett, 8th grade is probably one of the hardest years, but you have really gone into it confident and strong. You've made good friends and have made good choices. You are active in your Quorum at church and find joy in the gospel. You're such a Christlike young man and a great example to everyone around you, and I am just so proud of you.

Keep doing what you're doing, kid. I wish I could take all the credit for how amazing you are, but like I always say, you just came that way. You're such a wonderful son and a fun brother. You find joy in serving others and spending time with your family. For your birthday this year, you insisted on just having a family party. You wanted to see the new Hunger Games movie and go out to eat at Wallaby's, just us. I love that you're in our family. It just wouldn't be the same without you. 

Happy Birthday my incredibly wonderful teenager. I am forever grateful to be your Mom.

Love,

Bruh

just kidding...

Love,

Ma 

Today You Are Ten

Dear Miles,

It's a bittersweet day knowing you are no longer in the single digits; you're no longer a little boy anymore. You have now reached big boy status. I didn't expect the day to be so emotional for me and I guess I'm just a little sad that with each day, that is the last of that age that I'll ever have as a parent since you are my baby. But at the same time, you are getting older and wiser and more independent. You develop skills and passions and goals for yourself, and that's pretty cool.

This past year had a lot of ups and downs for you. A lot of new feelings of anxiety and panic were experienced but you have grown stronger and have gained a lot of new skills to help manage all of that. You've also had a lot of wins this year with developing your piano talents, moving up a grade in math, improving your baseball skills, getting SO much better at snowboarding and wakeboarding, and finding good friends. 

I have loved going on Mommy Son dates with you. I love that you want to help me with any and all projects, that you love to learn how to cook from me, and that you always want snuggles and loves and my undivided attention. I'm not always perfect at that last one, but it's not because you're not important to me. You and your brothers are the MOST important and I love being your mom. 

I love your laugh and goofiness. I love that you like me to read to you and that you like me to make a pizza on your back before bed. I love that you love your brothers and want to spend time with them. I love that you are kind and accepting of others. I love that you tell me your worries, the things that make you happy or excited, and everything in between. I love that you love your dad and want to work with him on his projects. But I especially love the small things that you do. Like on Sundays when dad parks on the side of the church that only has grass and rocks and I'm in my heels, you hold my hand and let me lean on you so I don't fall. Or when you give me a random compliment. Or when you notice I'm having a hard day and give me a hug, a snuggle, or play with my hair. You're a kind, intuitive, compassionate, and loving boy and I know that is just who you are to your core.  

This year, I hope you continue to find joy and fulfillment in everything you do. I am so proud of you and the choices you make and the person you are. Being your mom brings me so much joy and I know I always tell you to not grow up, but truly, you're the only one not taller than me in this family now, so please just take your time growing up. I still can carry you to your bed and it's not lost on me that one day, it'll be the last day I'll ever pick you up.

I love you so much Miles! You are wonderfully amazing and I am the luckiest mom to have you as my baby boy. Happy 10th Birthday kiddo!

Love,

Mom