Fly

I have a lot to post today, but I wanted to start the plethora of posts with something that happened with Cruise this afternoon:

First of all, I think we all have had something we've wanted so much that we ached for it; whether it be a person, place or thing, I believe we all have experienced a desire, so much so, that some of us have even cried for it. And sometimes I think when children express such a deep desire, we as adults don't realize that they too can ache and desire something to the extent of tears, and actually take it seriously. I am guilty of this.

Cruise has always loved being up high, jumping off of things, feeling weightless. And ever since we visited Clark Planetarium, he's wanted to be an astronaut. He has 3 space shuttles and watches his little documentary on space every day.

David had been playing with Cruise this afternoon: swinging him around. After they were finished, I heard Cruise meltdown from the other room: throw things, contort his body, and cry big crocodile tears. I ran to see what was going on and I couldn't make out any of his words. I asked Dave, "What happened? What does he want?" Dave shook his head and said, "I think he wants to fly." I asked Cruise to use all his words and this sweet little boy looked into my eyes and said, "I. want. fly. please."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. What do you do when your child obviously wants something so badly, to the extent of sincere tears and such hope, that you can't give them? It's such a powerless feeling. His meltdown continued and eventually I had to get after him for throwing things. But his cute little voice rang through my head the rest of the day. My little boy wants to fly. If there is any child in the world for the incredible capacity to someday fly, whether fly an airplane, a rocket ship, or to all of a sudden gain superhero powers, it would be this child.

Sometimes I think about the spirits of my little boys and how they must've been before coming to me. I once had a professor that said that the most difficult kids on the earth must've been the ones leaving scratch marks on the hallway from Heaven to earth. My kids, however, I believe were the ones that lived, even before this life, with all the passion possible. Cruise flew; I can only imagine a spirit as lively as Cruise's, being weighed down by a body and realizing they can't fly at will. That little spirit must be heart broken.

Cruise, you will fly again--I promise.