Fly

I have a lot to post today, but I wanted to start the plethora of posts with something that happened with Cruise this afternoon:

First of all, I think we all have had something we've wanted so much that we ached for it; whether it be a person, place or thing, I believe we all have experienced a desire, so much so, that some of us have even cried for it. And sometimes I think when children express such a deep desire, we as adults don't realize that they too can ache and desire something to the extent of tears, and actually take it seriously. I am guilty of this.

Cruise has always loved being up high, jumping off of things, feeling weightless. And ever since we visited Clark Planetarium, he's wanted to be an astronaut. He has 3 space shuttles and watches his little documentary on space every day.

David had been playing with Cruise this afternoon: swinging him around. After they were finished, I heard Cruise meltdown from the other room: throw things, contort his body, and cry big crocodile tears. I ran to see what was going on and I couldn't make out any of his words. I asked Dave, "What happened? What does he want?" Dave shook his head and said, "I think he wants to fly." I asked Cruise to use all his words and this sweet little boy looked into my eyes and said, "I. want. fly. please."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. What do you do when your child obviously wants something so badly, to the extent of sincere tears and such hope, that you can't give them? It's such a powerless feeling. His meltdown continued and eventually I had to get after him for throwing things. But his cute little voice rang through my head the rest of the day. My little boy wants to fly. If there is any child in the world for the incredible capacity to someday fly, whether fly an airplane, a rocket ship, or to all of a sudden gain superhero powers, it would be this child.

Sometimes I think about the spirits of my little boys and how they must've been before coming to me. I once had a professor that said that the most difficult kids on the earth must've been the ones leaving scratch marks on the hallway from Heaven to earth. My kids, however, I believe were the ones that lived, even before this life, with all the passion possible. Cruise flew; I can only imagine a spirit as lively as Cruise's, being weighed down by a body and realizing they can't fly at will. That little spirit must be heart broken.

Cruise, you will fly again--I promise.

5 Years

So, our 5 year anniversary was yesterday...I promise I didn't forget; I just forgot to blog.
Here is my gift to Dave:

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We technically won't be celebrating until next weekend, which will totally be worth the wait since we are going to SUNDANCE! Our Honeymooning place. Unfortunately the cabin/suite we always stay in is no longer available, but that's okay because it's gonna be awesome anyway.

But yesterday we did go out on a family outing that was very typical for our family:
We decided to take the boys up the canyon with our bikes and the bike trailer and ride around a bit. So once Cruise got home from school, Dave and I started to get everything ready for our family excursion. I got the food, diapering for Jett, and extra underwear & pants for Cruise. Dave got the trailer hitched up to the Jeep and tied in his bike and the bike trailer. We would have to stop by my parents' house to get a key to my sister's house to borrow her bike.

We got the boys in the car, having told them we were going to the mountains (this was total poor planning on my part. I didn't have pictures or had even a schedule set out for Cruise to prep him for our multiple stops). Cruise started having a meltdown the second we turned into my parents' neighborhood. I had to keep reassuring him that we were going to the mountains. Dave grabbed the key and we were off to get some gas and some bribery treats so the kids would stop whining.

We got to the gas station and I got Cruise out of his seat to come with me to choose a treat. Well, he got drawn to the Red Box machine in front and was adamant about getting the Superman cartoon movie. The things we do for peace and quiet. Dave rented it and handed it to Cruise (he just wanted to hold it). Then we went into the gas station where we stocked up on mini donuts.

In the car, I handed the boys each a donut and we were on our way to Provo to pickup my sister's bike.

We got as far as the Target down the street when Jett threw up all over himself and his car seat. We pulled into the parking lot of Target; Dave started on clean up duty while I ran into the store to buy anti-bacterial wipes and a change of clothes (if we went back home, we'd have a HUGE meltdown from Cruise on our hands and we were just not in the mood for that).

We finished cleaning up and luckily Cruise sat nicely in his seat clutching the Superman movie and stuffing his face with chocolate donuts. We had been gone an hour by now.

the new outfit

We headed for Provo, continually reassuring Cruise that we were in fact going to the mountains. We picked up the bike, had Cruise go potty, and headed for the next stop: another gas station to fill up the tires of the bike. We pulled into Will's Pit Stop and both Dave and I got out, leaving the kids strapped in the car. The second we stepped out, Jett started crying and throwing a tantrum, and Cruise started screaming at Jett to "be quiet!!!" All Dave and I could do is laugh uncontrollably.

FINALLY we got back into the car and headed for the mouth of the canyon. We had finally reached Canyon Glen and got the bikes all ready to go. The bike ride up to Bridal Veil was actually pleasant. Then...WATER. We didn't mind letting the boys play in the water, and luckily I had brought an extra pair of underwear and pants for Cruise (since he takes playing in water very seriously). We played for awhile and then gave the kids a 5 minute warning. Cruise then started to make a run for it and I had to chase him down, bringing him back protesting. I love the looks we get when in public. Ha ha!

I then proceeded to remove his pants and underwear to put on a the dry pair. Cruise then melted down and tears began to flow. Life as we know it, was ending. All he wanted to do was swim. Swim in FREEZING water. We are such terrible parents.

We strapped both boys back into the trailer, Cruise still screaming and crying. We drove our bikes back to Canyon Glen with the wailing of our poor deprived child still in the trailer. Once we got to Canyon Glen, we got Cruise to calm down by having him climb up these rock walls placed in the park. I set out the snacks and Jett did what he does best, run off looking for trouble. It turned out alright and we had fun, but like I said, this is a typical outing for us. I'm surprised we do these that often.

I love our imperfect marriage, our imperfect children, and our imperfect family: it's just PERFECT!

Happy 5 Years to Us!

Okay, okay...I'm WAAAYYY Behind: A Marriage

I'm gonna have to write this quick since I have a fussy 17 month old complaining in his crib right now that he doesn't want to nap. YOU WILL NAP CHILD!!!

Okay...

April 21, 2011:
This awesome girl

Married this awesome guy

In this awesome place

Congratulations to Abby and Casey Wilson!

17 Months: The Escape Artist

This child is now 17 months old; which means he is on the brink of our least favorite age: the 2 year old. He has begun the 'throw your body down and make a big scene' fits which leave me fighting not to laugh because it is quite the funny sight. But usually he's just happy:

Jett has been growing and growing!

He's acquired a couple more words: airplane and stuck. He loves to pretend and is always trying to play with Cruise even though he tends to just come off as annoying. But he's persistent.

He likes to "dance", which means he spins in circles to music. It's pretty cute. He tries communicating as best he can with pointing, grunting and babbling. And he's amazing with his super laser vision that enables him to see the package of marshmallows behind the cupboard door. He waves and says 'bye bye', gives kisses on demand, and even sings along with songs. His favorite is the ball song and the stop & go song from our Kidwinks CD.

Jett also loves to play peek-a-boo after bath. I'll have him wrapped in his towel, and put him on the floor to dress him, when he grabs the towel and puts it over his eyes ready for me to ask: Where's Jett? Cruise also taught Jett how to blow bubbles in the bath, which I have a video of below.

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When Jett gets in trouble or gets caught doing something he's not supposed to do, he does this ostrich thing where he bends in half (standing up) and puts his head on the floor. It's hilarious and he always does it with a great big smile.

Jett, just like Cruise was at this age, is quite the Daddy's boy! He get so upset when Daddy leaves, even for a moment. It's quite heartbreaking.

Now more than ever he tries to do everything Cruise does. He has learned how to climb up the gang plank to the treehouse, which means I have to keep an extra close eye on him when we're outside. He loves the tire swing, sitting on the tricycle, and running! Man he runs! Which brings me to the title: The Escape Artist.

This kid can find just the slightest little opening and BAM! he's gone! He is not only fast, but is super good a dodging. It's amazing. If the gate is open to the street, he makes a run for it and thinks it's just so funny. Mommy doesn't.

Jett still is my little snuggler and we absolutely love that about him. He will just snuggle and melt into your lap. It sometimes is hard to get up and get going when he's sitting with you; you could sit and snuggle all day.

We love this little Jett-Man!

100% Potty Trained

I've got to catch up on the past two weeks. So to start off...

POTTY TRAINING!!!

Spring Break was just a couple weeks ago and since EVERYONE had off, WE couldn't go do anything fun due to large crowds. So I figured we'd give potty training another go-round. The week before, I had attended a potty training class at Kids On The Move for parents of children with autism. I had tried potty training twice before and was super frustrated at the thought that maybe Cruise wouldn't be potty trained for a long time. After the meeting, I went straight to Savers to stock up on sweat pants for the kiddo, and then to Target to get candy, a potty book, and more underwear. I was determined.

So day 1 of the potty training week began and all Cruise wanted was the candy. He would fight me for the candy, but I stuck to my guns and only gave it to him if he went potty in the toilet. He had plenty of accidents, but did better than I thought he would.

Day 2 came and he did a little better and no longer fought for the candy. But I could tell he was going just so he could get candy. I secretly didn't mind that though; just as long as he was doing his business in the potty. Still a few accidents, but he did much better.

Day 3 Cruise had maybe one accident, still requested the candy, but was doing awesome.

Day 4 came and Cruise woke up with a dry pull-up. The entire day he went straight to the potty without me having to remind him. Absolutely no accidents!

Since Day 4, Cruise has been a rock star and has had no accidents and continually wakes up dry. I must say, I was definitely not expecting him to be nighttime trained for awhile, but I guess he figured if he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it all the way. And I am happy to report that he is over the candy and doesn't need it after going potty.

So relieved to have that over with!

Yes, this is Cruise in mid-air.

"LOOK!"

Cruise and his snowman from last week.

Cruise never said this word...until a little over a week ago. He's never shared anything he's excited about just to share it.
HUGE BREAKTHROUGH!
About a week ago, Cruise wandered in the house from outside holding a Doritos chip. He walked right up to Dave and said, "Look! Chip!" Dave was more confounded by the chip itself at the time, not realizing just how amazing this new development was. He was worried some sick guy outside was handing out chips to our son. So Dave walked outside and found the two little Hispanic neighbor girls from next door, feeding Cruise chips through the fence. Dave was relieved, told Cruise to thank them, and went back into the house to tell me what had just happened. When I pointed out how huge it was that Cruise was engaging in shared enjoyment, Dave realized that Cruise never had just shown us something because he was excited about it. I went outside and asked the girls if they'd like to come over and play: they excitedly accepted my invitation.

Cruise was SO EXCITED to have some little friends over. It was perfect because Cruise speaks little English, one of the girls also speaks little English, and the other girl only speaks Spanish! A match made in heaven.

They played outside for what seemed to be an hour. Every 15 minutes or so, however, I got a little knock on my screen door by the little girl who only speaks Spanish: "El nino salio y fue a mi casa!" (The boy left and went to my house!) I'd look next door to find that the older girl had Cruise by the hand and was leading him back to our house. I'm not gonna lie, I honestly considered hiring them to be my Wrangle and Report team. One would wrangle the boy, the other would come and tell me. I wanted them to stay forever!

I'd check on them periodically only to find them playing with each other so nicely. They'd be interacting with Cruise and giggling and teasing. It was a sight for sore eyes.

When it was time for them to go back home, Cruise cried. I smiled. He had friends and had made a huge developmental step: engaging in shared enjoyment.

Mama Knows Best

Last Friday, we took the kids to the Provo Beach Resort in the Riverwoods. We tried the bowling and other things; Cruise liked the bowling, but all Jett wanted to do was run down the lanes (Dave had to save him more than once before he slipped).

They have a huge play area for kids that is separated by a glass wall and door so you can peer in. We tried to get Cruise to go in, knowing he would love it, but he tried to run and started to cry. Knowing that this play area was just up his alley, I picked Cruise up, opened the door, walked in, and proceeded to remove his shoes so he could play, all the while he was crying, protesting and trying to leave. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the parents sitting there were flabbergasted at the fact that I would FORCE my child to enter this room of pure propriocetive and vestibular joy. But as I quietly said to myself, "THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILD!" I put him into the play area, and within a minute or two, Cruise looked around and his eyes lit up.

Needless to say,  he cried all the way home.

Projects

It's garden season again! With the sale of our boat, Dave decided he is now a full-fledged gardener. So much, in fact, that it has become more of his thing, and he LOVES it, which makes me love it. He may get most of the garden, but I get a little patch for my herbs with a quaint little white picket fence to keep the animals out.

This year, Dave decided to lay things out in a sort of square foot type of garden. He went and picked up some free pallets, broke them down, and made himself some walkways that set up the boundaries for each section of the garden.

This year we are growing:
-tomatoes
-cucumbers
-eggplant
-corn
-green onions
-garlic
-pumpkin
-banana sqush
-zuchini
-carrots
-jalapenos
-strawberries
-cilantro
-basil
-rosemary

I think there are more...but I can't remember.

Anyway, here are a few shots of the garden as of this past week:

My recent project isn't nearly as monumental and amazing, but I was getting tired of never remembering my coupons and not being able to organize them effectively:

Light it Up Blue!

Today is World Autism Awareness Day. People and companies have been encouraged to light it up blue to spread awareness of autism. The Empire State Building changed its lights to blue for the evenings of April 1st and 2nd to spread awareness. Our family is wearing blue and thousands are doing the same. So everyone, don't forget to wear your blue today!

Speaking of autism, Cruise finally received his official diagnosis: Autistic Disorder. I got the paper in hand this past week. It's strange because most parents start out with the diagnosis and then go from there, but we've kind of gone backwards. Many parents will get their child tested without any idea about what autism entails, and so when they get that diagnosis, it's almost like a knife to the chest. It can be incredibly difficult to accept. I feel blessed that in our case, things were eased into the realization and acceptance that Cruise was in fact, autistic.

In October, there will be a Walk for Autism in Sandy, UT with Autism Speaks that I'll be participating in. If any of you would like to join me or would like to donate to Autism Speaks, just click here.

And don't forget to LIGHT IT UP BLUE!

The Little Things

Why are the little things so big?

Here are my two favorite little things:

My little things do lots of BIG things that I love!

Cruise:
-I took the boys with me last month to a baby shower that was an open house sit-down lunch. I got Cruise his food, handed the plate to him, and watched him as he found himself a seat at a table full of women. As he got himself situated, he looked up, waved and said, "HI!" in his usual loud voice. The women all started to laugh which of course prompted Cruise to do his great big fake laugh. It was the cutest.

-Cruise was playing with his little people house and people one day while I was working on the computer. I heard Cruise talking and then saying, "Bye Cruise! Bye Grandma!" and then a great big smooch sound.

-Cruise now will call out, "MOM! WHERE ARE YOU?!" when he can't find me. I love it.

-Cruise went from screaming and covering his ears when I sang to wanting me to sing him to sleep. The first night he did this last month, I almost cried. As a little baby, I couldn't ever sing to him to calm him because it always had the opposite effect. Now he'll lay in bed while I sing his favorite songs and he drifts quietly off to sleep with a great big smile on his face.

-Along with the singing, Cruise LOVES to sing along in primary and in the car.

-Cruise's favorite new phrase is, "What's that?"

-When Cruise is having a fit because he is wanting something and just keeps W H I N I N G, all I have to say now is, "Use all your words please," and then he'll calm down and say, "I-want-____-please!" Usually it's candy.

-Cruise has become quite a friendly little guy. He waves and says, 'hi' to random people at the store, as we pass cars, and even at the mailman: "Hi mailman!" "Bye mailman!" When we leave some place, he always says, "Bye ____!" On Sunday as we got of the car to go into the chapel, Cruise waved and said, "Good bye car!"

-CRUISE WILL HOLD MY HAND NOW!!! I will tell him, "Hold Mama's hand" and up he reaches to hold my hand.

Such joy in the smallest of things. They're so big to me.

Jett:
-Jett has an unhealthy attachment to our portable DVD player. I'm still confused about the whole thing. He actually wakes up every now and then in the middle of the night and instead of wanting a bottle, goes on a mad search of our room looking for the DVD player. It's a serious problem.

-Just like Cruise, Jett refers to the movie 'Wallace and Gromit' as 'cheese'. Jett is obsessed with this movie and walks around with the movie jacket in hand saying, "cheese, cheese, cheese".

-Jett watches Cruise so much. He looks to him to know how to play and what to do with certain toys that he's unfamiliar with. It's so adorable. He wants to play with Cruise so much and really loves his big brother. He tries to do everything Cruise does. The other night, Dave was laying on the living room floor after a long day of knocking doors when Cruise climbed the couch and jumped on him. Jett thought that was hilarious, so he climbed on the little trampoline on the opposite side of the room and "jumped" off onto Dave. He couldn't really jump, so he stepped off and then fell to the floor and then climbed on Dave. The boys kept doing this over and over and couldn't stop giggling.

-Jett's receptive language constantly baffles me. He understands so much and I'm just not used to that. I can hand him something and say, "Give this to Daddy" and he'll follow my instructions instantly. No clarification or other prompt needed. I almost have a heart attack on a daily basis.

-Jett has quite the personality. He knows what he wants and is incredibly decisive. He is stubborn and does not forget. Redirecting him is a day long process.

-Jett is so mischievous and likes to get a rise out of Cruise. He knows just how to do it too. He will go over to Cruise, take a toy he is playing with, and then look at him waiting for the reaction. Once Cruise predictably throws a fit, Jett hands him the toy back, smiles, and claps for himself (because I've been trying to give him positive reinforcement lately, but he's caught on a little too much). He will repeat the whole scene over and over again. I think he just gets bored and likes being in control of Cruise's reactions.

Something I've observed in just the past couple of weeks is how Jett just gets Cruise. He is incredibly observant and almost understands him. Today I was in the kitchen making the boys some dinner. Cruise had been laying on the floor having a meltdown for about a half hour. I couldn't get him to tell me what he wanted, so I went into ignore mode. Jett waddled into the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about. When he saw Cruise upset on the floor, Jett found a toy and handed it to his brother who took it and threw it at his PECS board. Jett picked it up again and handed it back to him, which ended up with Cruise throwing it again. I praised Jett and led Cruise to his room to calm down. Cruise's fits used to scare Jett, but Jett has come to be so patient and understanding, and now they don't bother him.

These two boys are amazing and I am so glad I get to be their Mama. They teach me so much and despite the headaches I endure throughout the day, they surprise me and find joy in being with each other, which in turn gives me a joy that only a parent can understand.

26

Yesterday was Dave's 26th birthday! Sunday my parents had a family party for him and he got some much needed slacks and pair of tennis shoes from my parents (first new pair since high school).

The boys decorated a frame for him (they even wrote their names).

And I made him and my sister Abby (whose birthday was the 24th) a German chocolate cake

Cruise cheering.

Then Monday I took Dave out to Rodizio Grill since it's the first year they are doing the free birthday meal deal (to compete with Tucanos). So we went and stuffed ourselves silly with the best cuts of beef and spicy chicken.

Just to remind him of how old he is getting, when the waiter brought back his proof of I.D. (his driver's license with his picture from when he was 16) the waiter commented that he looked nothing like his ID picture. Ha ha ha! 

But really, he's not THAT old, even though I tease him that he's "soooo old!" because he's a whole 8 months older than I am. 

He's accomplished quite a bit in his 26 years and I am so proud of him. He is the world's best husband and Daddy and his boys are absolutely nuts about him. You should see the tackling that goes on when he gets home! 

Thanks to all the family members who wished him a Happy Birthday via phone, e-mail and facebook! 

I love you David! I hope you had a wonderful birthday!!!